Stay true

I used to wonder why I go through the things I go through
Never understood why I think, the things I do.
Darkness and cold was what I was used to.
Natural chemicals in my brain not working.
My mind not working.
My body not working.
Only death would seem to work.
Blood and tears were a regular thing.
Twisted philosophy of my own demise.
Arguing for longevity.
Just to get through the storm.
Lost my job.
Lost my mind.
Lost my spark.
Found my hell.
Not a crack head, nothing I could shoot would ease the flames.
Scarring my body, my mind, my soul.
No easy way out.
Lost in a maze of nightmares.
No easy turn.
Every corner there was something waiting to make me fall.
But sink or swim.
I had to fight.
Learn how to protect my sanity.
Lose my stubborn pride.
Ask for help.
Put it all on the line.
No more lying to myself.
I am such a mess.
But to fight is one thing I know I do well.
But that is the place I found myself.
Like a child being born.
Vulnerable.
My biggest fear.
But I swore I would never be that way again.
There goes my pride again, playing mind games.
So I fell on my sword.
To embrace what I fear to help start over.
This should not happen to anyone I look out for.
It should not happen to anyone that I am opposed to.
To think otherwise would be playing into that game again.
Somewhere that I am not going to go to.
So what I have I learnt.
Through all the shit I have gone through.
Stay true to you.
You will find a way through.

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